Involuntary celibate. Someone who is part of a community online believes they are unable to attract women. Hostile to those women who are sexually active.

I have been reading a lot about people who post this content on the internet. People who believe, in their own minds, they are not attractive to women.

When I was growing up there were the guys who always had girlfriends. They were the popular good looking guys everyone was envious of. It turns out they weren’t any better than the rest of us and didn’t have the long term capability of commitment. There were the guys who had little to no friends and then there were the ones like me stuck in the middle.

We learned how to take rejection and move on with life. Socially I was never a person who struggled to make friends or bond with others. I don’t have problems talking to anyone. When I was ten years old my teacher wrote “Philip is a chatterbox and messy” Nothing has changed in the 40 years.

What happened to this subsection of males to make them so hostile to women? It said in some of the articles I was reading that it’s the women who look for the perfect man and those who perceive themselves to look great. Perfect height, weight, teeth, hair and skin.

It’s the search for perfection that has lead to the perfect storm of mental health disorders which fuels men’s hatred towards women. The internet and dating apps has been blamed for the rise in the community know as incels who gather together in forums to talk about their common beliefs and their dislike for those women who are in their eyes “popular”.

Reading stories about the men who have gone on to commit mass murder of innocent people I am struck at the lack of compassion people to those guys in their early years. They cause irreparable damage to this minds who desperately crave love and acceptance.

I know the internet has fuelled these problems where online forums have validated men’s misogyny and hatred.

What is being addressed to counteract this ever growing mountain of poor mental health? NHS resources as we know have suffered years of cuts by a government uncaring to those who need it most.

You throw in the after effects of a global pandemic and you have cooked up a perfect storm of dysfunction and want.

Starting with compassion from everyone we need to treat each other kinder.


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the barefoot tree

Still grumpy

Gari Wellingham

UK-based musical theatre geek previously living with a brain tumour!

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