We all take our health for granted until something goes wrong. Mostly people suffer from coughs and colds and that be a couple of weeks where you feel like you are close to death. Man flu is real get over it.

It was last year when felt a lump in my chest that was sore. It was rather painful and I am not scared of these sort of things. You roll up your sleeve and you get yourself to the doctor. Sitting there wondering what it is and thinking it will go away doesn’t help at all.

I made an appointment to see my doctor and they weren’t too sure what it was and they knew that they could feel something there. I was sent to the breast clinic. I was that obviously it was going to be me and woman and that didn’t bother me at all. I saw a surgeon and he examined me and said he would take a biopsy. The worse thing about it was that he did it without an aesthetic and boy did it hurt. I was told by his nurse that I was one of their patients as I didn’t make a noise. I didn’t even get a gold star or a lolly for being good.

I also had a mammogram on both ‘breasts’ so to speak. In total I was in the hospital for four hours. Not the nicest of experiences I can tell you. I went on my own. I have never had anyone with me on these sort of things. I much prefer to go on my own.

I waited a few weeks and got the results from the biopsy and that was fine but there was a problem with my hormone levels and I had to have them rechecked. I had the blood test and again it confirmed that my testosterone levels were really low. This was the reason I was feeling really tired and just couldn’t get enough sleep. It didn’t help that mums health was deteriorating and took all my energy to look after her.

So I was sent to another consultant at the hospital who said he wanted to to a whole lot of tests to determine why the hormone levels were so low. I had to have and MRI scan on the brain. It’s the most pleasant of things and if you have ever had one you will understand.

So I waited for a few weeks it was then I got a letter from my own doctor to tell me that I had to make an appointment to see them as they had some information from the consultant that they wanted to discuss. I put it to once side thinking it was going to be nothing. Did worry at all.

So I went up to the doctors and he went through the records as I explained that I had more blood tests and an MRI. He said “Ah yes …”.

He told me that the MRI had shown a small tumour attached to the pituitary gland which controls all things to do with hormones. He said that this is probably the reason why my hormone levels were so low. At first I was in shock. I just couldn’t believe it. I knew I was feeling knackered and I put that down to the depression and looking after mum.

The doctor told me that that tumour was benign which I suppose was good news. I had been told that I have to testosterone injections every three months. It’s like have a wasp sting every time it happens but the soreness goes away after a day. Sometimes I do get tired. But I don’t feel anyway like I did six months ago when no matter how much sleep I was getting I didn’t feel any better.

I have to have another MRI next year to see how the thing is see if it growing. If I have any other symptoms obviously I have to go back to the doctors and they will take it from there. It’s an easy operation to remove it. I made the mistake of googling it and I wish I hadn’t.

So as we hurtle towards Christmas I will start and look after myself as my doctor told me yesterday. It is time that you had some time to yourself and putting me first for once after all these years and I intend to do. I don’t know what the future hold I have no idea what will happen. I will take each day as it comes I have done for the past five years.



Peace and War

You wake up in the morning to see a plane being blown out of the sky. People speculating whether or not it is the work of terrorists. The appalling incidents that took place on 13th November in Paris reminded us again how the nature of a warped mind can cause such carnage and destruction. All in the name of a religion. Their distorted views have deadly consequences.

There are continuing events occurring as we speak about trying to trace those people who have been involved in organising such heinous of crimes. Trying to blame it on one religion is naive and stupid. Looking at the atrocities that occurred in the 70s and 80s where terrorists groups in the United Kingdom and Northern Ireland were trying gain their own political agenda by using violence and in the name of religion.

What people need to understand that the true core of these religions is peace, love, acceptance and forgiveness. The people who practice these religions know that they are a million miles away from the terrorist ideology.



Adele – 25

There was a time when I didn’t get Adele at all. People were constantly talking about her, buying her albums and I just didn’t see it. I used to see her album sitting at the top ten for months on end and it never really bothered me.

It was only until one song I heard “Someone like you” I thought okay this lady can sing. The voice was nothing like I had heard in a long time. There’s a lot of singers out there that have had vocal training to the point that it really spoils the originality in their voice.

If you listen to someone that starts out on the x-factor example and somehow they are getting better each week it’s because they use top vocal coaches for people and stretch their voice to perform in their words better.

Then the natural talent seems to be lost and they are singer the way they think other would want to hear them, or how Mr Cowell wants them.

Adele 25 is an album I have listened to a couple of times. I have always said that if I don’t really like anything in the music in the beginning it means after a while I am going to love it. This is going to be one of those albums. It’s good to get an album that you really like. It’s a rarity for me at the moment. To have the Bieber album as well as this one in the past week or so has been wonderful.

I won’t ever by the new 1D albums as each album has been awful. Their mediocre sounds and only half decent singles may have sold a lot to teenage girls but that’s their only market that and a few disillusioned queeny gay lads.

Poor quality of writing and a rushed production is a mark of a band that will have burnt themselves out. And from their recent announcement their time is at an end.

Thank goodness we have quality artists like Adele who not only can sing but can write good quality music.



Justin Bieber – Purpose

Some people when the are in the spotlight or in the media when they are young can be precocious. They can be a spoilt little brat. I remember seeing interviews with people like Aaron Carter who was about eleven and he was interviewed on Saturday morning kids tv. There was nothing redeemably likeable about him. His hair was nice but the rest you want to punch in the face.

It must be difficult to be a child and constantly in the view of the world and even more so when you are going from being a child into a man.

Justin Bieber is one of those people who has got from a cute child star into a grown up. Legally now is old enough to drink in the USA and ironically years before he was allowed to drive. Justin is now twenty one. At the age I had just graduated from my Theology diploma and was starting on my degree in religion. So we have to agree he isn’t a child any more.

I have always had a wide range of music I like in my collection. I have opera and a lot of sixteenth century choral music. I like a lot of the new and some of the more know classic artist in the music business. I have Kylie I have Jason Donavan and I have Oasis, Adele and all the Beatles albums. If something is good I am not going to say well I cannot possible buy their music in case what my friends think. I am not that shallow and I don’t but into peer pressure to like the latest stuff.

That’s why when listened to the first track of this album “What do you mean?” I was intrigued I really liked the polished sound and better production of his music. He has dropped loads of the rap people that seem to be employed to fill out songs when they really aren’t good enough for them to stand out on their own.

There is still a lot of work to do in my eyes if he is to continue as a serious adult artist and to successfully produce quality decent music that isn’t offensive to the mind and the ears. His production people like Usher etc I am sure will steer him in the right direction as this album is heading. It’s the right the direction as long as he keeps on the path.



A few years back I had some friends I won’t name them as that doesn’t make much difference to the content of this post. I thought they were friends. At the time they seemed to be good people and what you think is a good friendship somehow sours. Things are said and then the relationship you had with the people have gone.


It was in the ¬†aftermath I realised that certain other people (who again I won’t name) didn’t treat or even speak to me and still don’t. I realised that the people involved had spoken those people and poisoned them against me. I know that over a length of time they would have made snide remarks like “He is no good for you …” “He is a negative person … Who has done nothing but caused us grief” Instead of looking at the big picture and realising that some people do make mistakes in life.

I will be the first one to admit that I am not a perfect person and I have made decisions that have been wrong and some that have cause others to be upset. But I have people who are still in my life who I consider my best friends who also have been a pain in the ass. They haven’t been perfect either but what what you do is stick by those people you love.

Over time the people who I don’t speak kept putting into the minds of others again and again of the bad things and making up facts which weren’t true at all. They might have been closer to the one who is doing the poisoning and will take these at face value.

This is how brain-washing really works. Drip drip of information which could be slightly exaggerated or distorted and then your view of other people and the world changes. You see things in shadows and believe some conspiracy theories. You think you have really found the truth out about life and now you are convinced yourself that you are in the correct path; a knowledgable path.

None more so has religion done this. If we were to take a step back and look at the actions for people who have done some heinous things in the name of religion and look at them with rational eyes we would astound ourselves.

My mother once had to nurse a patient who was dying. This person could have lived had they been given the correct blood transfusion at the time. But because they were from a Jehovah’s Witness family that they had refused the transfer of one humans blood to another as they had picked a particular verse in the bible where it says that mixing of the bloods was deemed to be sinful.

If you knew that one of your relatives could have been saved by the act of addition blood we wouldn’t hesitate to do it as it would be the right and humane thing to do. You wouldn’t sacrifice the life or certainly put in jeopardy the health of another human from a sentence of a books that was written thousands of years ago.

The people who carried out the Paris attacks on 14th November have not a rational view of the world. They have not got the same view of the billions of muslims around the world who would utterly condemn the acts of violence show to other human beings. Their minds have been poisoned by those who are believe that an actual physical jihad is needed. This is a distorted view of the world.

So as we remember those people who have been killed and those who mourn we must also remember that we are dealing with people who aren’t thinking rationally. They are looking for infamy and martyrdom to a God that in my mind does not exist. No rational or caring god or human being would order the slaughter of so many people.

Mental Health funding in UK

The amount of money that is spent on treating mental issues is crap. I am not going into the exact figures as I cannot be bothered to bore you with them. Let’s just say they are nowhere near the amount that is needed to treat a much bigger problem that is realised. If you want to know about the exact amount google it and then come back.

I was appalled to hear on the lunchtime news today that a man had to wait two years to get help and diagnosis with PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) for something that occurred in his childhood. Two years of feeling helpless and suicidal. Believe me everyday of feeling like this I have experienced. It’s draining not just on¬†yourself but it puts on an enormous stress on those loved ones who are living with someone with a mental illness.

Seriously what the fuck is going on? If we had people in A&E told they had to wait months and months for a broken leg we would kick up a fuss. Because often those with mental health issues do keep things to themselves and don’t want to seem as a burden or even as a person who is unstable. Particularly amongst men who don’t think it’s right that they should talk about their feelings. I always thought so far back as I can remember that this was bollocks.


Not only writing to MPs or local officials but talking about this issue with friends and others we know will help the issue of mental health funding be known. Treat it as an exercise in gossip the next time you think you are going to have a conversation with someone please mention the desperate need for mental health funding. Some day it could help you and save a life.


Over the years I have suffered on and off from insomnia. The inability to be able to get a decent nights sleep when you want and waking up in the morning feel fresh awake and reading for the day has eluded me for a few months now.

This morning it was after 6am by the time I got to sleep with catching a few hours before getting out of better and feeling like crap. Some nights I have been able to climb into bed no problem and with in 5-10 mins I have been asleep. Last night is becoming too frequent my mind is racing at that time. I feel exhausted and frustrated at the same time.

People alway give me advice as if it is going to be a magic wand that will cure the insomnia within minutes of me hearing their advice. Have you tried herbal tea? Yes but that means I will want to get up soon and go for a wee as I cannot sleep with a full bladder. What about getting out of bed and try reading a book. If I did that I would be up all night and wouldn’t have any sleep at all.

The past two occasions I have seen the GP about my depression they have both asked me independently how my sleep is. I have said awful and explained to them what I am saying to you now. No tablets to remedies just write the information down and sent on my way.

I avoid caffeine as much as possible at least eight or nine hours before I got to bed. I switch my main tv off about 10pm and listen to my relaxing and quiet music ready for my brain to wind down from the day. This list of do’s and don’t on the NHS website I follow everything they have suggested. I have blackout blinds at every window in the top part of my house.

Anyway it’s nearly 1am here in the UK now. I should try and get some sleep. Hopefully.