2018

If you follow this blog I firstly apologise for virtually no posts in the last few months. It’s not that I have been away or felt like that I needed a break it’s purely on the fact that I didn’t feel like saying anything.

It’s a new year. I am still looking for work and hopefully, with a shake-up of my CV and application process, I am hoping the new year brings new opportunities. That’s what I am hoping.

I look back on the last year and I certainly made sure that I wasn’t going to have another one like 2016. That was an abysmal year not surprising after mother had just passed away. I spent the who year, what it feels like, lying in bed.

The year started with protesting against Donald Trump and his ban on Muslims travelling from certain countries to the USA. It was seen by some as a futile gesture but Trump has certainly got the message that his divisive rhetoric isn’t welcome in the UK.

I spent a night and day in a hospital during to a rather nasty infection which I stupidly ignored. To me, a throat infection wasn’t a serious condition but the doctors and nurses of the NHS thought differently and took care of me in an exemplary manner. Proud of our NHS.

I had a number of trips away to London and Prague and it did me the world of good. Getting out and enjoying places I was interested was good not only for my physical well-being but my mental health. This was part of my bucket list where I was challenging myself to take up and take part in things I have never done. This year I took part in a watercolour course. Something I have always wanted to try since I abysmally failed when I was a pupil at school.

There was an end to a friendship. Someone I really loved. It couldn’t continue. It is a long story and it sadly came to an end. But there are reasons why these things happen. I am now looking forward to 2018. Let’s see what happens.

Sometimes

Sometimes when you are mentally unwell life can seem useless. The perception of you being a burden or a bore.

At the moment, I cannot shake off this feeling, so instead of bending my friend’s ears, I am turning to my writing.

From the age of 14, Kenneth Williams kept a diary for much of his life. It is an impressive collection that the British Library has recently acquired and a testament to the great man of comedy. But the diaries were his confessional. His ‘other half’, the one you ‘sound off to and the person you usually come home to when your pissed and need to talk.

For many years I have done the same. I live on my own and I often need someone to chat and the diaries over the years also have become my companion. The writing I do for this blog is certainly censored and a diary is a true reflection of one’s state and feelings.

I was thinking back at a time when I didn’t seem to have a care in the world and the person that I was when I was in my 20s is not the person I am now. The depression came a few years after my father passed away, and it hasn’t left me since. So my outlook on life has changed dramatically. I don’t suffer fools gladly (others might disagree) and I don’t spend time, as I should, doing things I actually enjoy.