Why are there so many single people looking for love? Looking on the net, reading magazines we see see people with an almost obsessive determination to partner up.

What characteristics do you look for in another person? Rich and tall? Thin and pretty? A good sense of humour?

I was struck when thinking about this topic how many people out there are in there own. They may go on a date but nothing ever comes of it. It’s like a car that never seems to get out of second gear. Leaving us frustrated with a potential significant other and most importantly ourselves.

Is it really that bad being alone? The word alone has negative connotations is does almost imply that you are lonely. Sometimes I do feel I am on my own but I not that I am missing a significant other but when I am feeling low I automatically think that I am the only one feeling this way.

As we get older sometimes the physical side of relationships seem less important and we focus on companionship. I am not saying it disappears all together but the shine of lustful wanting does seem less attractive. We all know that person who would have been desperate to kiss would never want us and that hurts. I have been there too many times.

So what am I settling for? I tried to give a potential relationship a go a few years back and it wasn’t for me. No one could put up with my bad habits and I think I have lived too long on my own so I am rather stuck in my ways. I do have people who for me are wonderful friends they have given me more love than anyone could imagine. I am grateful and thankful for their friendship every day of my life.

I enjoy music, art, gardening and photography. I love seeing pictures of beautiful people. It stirs within me a passion. Now who’s starting to sound like a dating ad?


Most people who know me know that I love the “Carry on” films. Obsessed by the acquisition of sex leading to various double entendres. In an era when you really weren’t supposed to talk about sex it was a jokey subject that was supposed to titillate.

In the lead up to World AIDS Day there has a been a week of highlighting the need to be tested for HIV. If you are in a high risk group you should get tested regularly if you are having different partners. We have to talk about it and be open with others about the need to take seriously our sexual health.

I will say “our” as I have been tested twice as I felt it was important to know my own status. Burying your head in the sand doesn’t mean it will go away. If you feel you are mature enough to have sex in the first place that you should be to take your sexual health seriously.

The one of the last things I ever said to my year group before they all left school was remember sex isn’t love. Too many people think that just because someone is willing to sleep with you it automatically means that they love you. Yes sex is great but it is also has a powerful emotional side to it. Enjoyed better usually in a long term monogamous relationship.

So in the run up to World AIDS Day. Think, do I need to know my HIV status and could it possibly have changed in the past year?

the barefoot tree

Still grumpy

Gari Wellingham

UK-based musical theatre geek previously living with a brain tumour!