Why are there so many single people looking for love? Looking on the net, reading magazines we see see people with an almost obsessive determination to partner up.

What characteristics do you look for in another person? Rich and tall? Thin and pretty? A good sense of humour?

I was struck when thinking about this topic how many people out there are in there own. They may go on a date but nothing ever comes of it. It’s like a car that never seems to get out of second gear. Leaving us frustrated with a potential significant other and most importantly ourselves.

Is it really that bad being alone? The word alone has negative connotations is does almost imply that you are lonely. Sometimes I do feel I am on my own but I not that I am missing a significant other but when I am feeling low I automatically think that I am the only one feeling this way.

As we get older sometimes the physical side of relationships seem less important and we focus on companionship. I am not saying it disappears all together but the shine of lustful wanting does seem less attractive. We all know that person who would have been desperate to kiss would never want us and that hurts. I have been there too many times.

So what am I settling for? I tried to give a potential relationship a go a few years back and it wasn’t for me. No one could put up with my bad habits and I think I have lived too long on my own so I am rather stuck in my ways. I do have people who for me are wonderful friends they have given me more love than anyone could imagine. I am grateful and thankful for their friendship every day of my life.

I enjoy music, art, gardening and photography. I love seeing pictures of beautiful people. It stirs within me a passion. Now who’s starting to sound like a dating ad?


Twenty years have passed since my father died. It was July 22nd 1994. I remember it like it was yesterday. Strange thinking back to that time. I was never close to my dad and he wasn’t a one to show his feelings. He never told me he loved me or showed me physical affection. He was of a different generation that didn’t show their feelings. So we can allow them that fault and everything will be okay. It’s just that we have to deal with the bullshit afterwards.

I will never forget that my close friends were all on tenterhooks. Hoping that they wouldn’t say the wrong thing and putting their foot in it. No one did they were wonderful, patient and kind. Having to tell people was the worst thing about that time. It upset them. I think it was possible that they saw the hurt and pain on my face and knew that what had happened had be traumatic.

I learned a lot from that time. Don’t take your friends for granted and realise that time you have with your parents should be precious. Looking at the dreadful tragedy of flight MH17 and the literal grief that it has caused we should hold those who we love close and our parents closer still.

I am not scared of death; others and my own. It is a natural part of our life. People are frightened of grief as it is an isolating experience. I would never advise people to try and contain or stifle it. If it’s there let it out.

So will raise a glass or ten to Dad and have the memories to reflect.


the barefoot tree

Still grumpy

Gari Wellingham

UK-based musical theatre geek previously living with a brain tumour!