My garden June 2015 (2)

I got some of the way into the garden then the weather change. As British weather always seems to do. It went cold and rainy. That’s a good thing as there is a lot of dead dry grass that needs to be raked from this lawn to allow the new shoots to grow. If I didn’t it would just look rather poorly and unloved. The only thing about raking out the dead grass is that it leaves the lawn looking very patchy.

It’s suppose to go back to sunny days this week and hopefully I will be able to crack on and get things presentable for my birthdays next week. On my 40th I sat in the garden and enjoyed a bottle of champagne. No party or silliness. Just myself, the garden and a bottle of bubbly. This is what intend to do for birthday. Forty five! I never even thought I would get to thirty never mind this age. But I do love being this old. It means you have lived but you still potentially have a lot more to give.

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My garden June 2015

It may look romantic but it’s a mess. For most reasons people know I haven’t been able to spend quality time in my garden. In fact anytime in my garden. So grass has grown tall and the brambles have taken over the pond and the shed. Plus the ivy that once was a single strand that my mother gave me makes the day of the triffids seem like topiary.

I have been doing some research and checking out local garden centres and nurseries the quality and price vary quite a lot.

I have started strimming and tidying. I am trying to keep my neighbours happy though. Two doors along the new neighbour is ripping his house apart to the diggers and heavy machinery start at 9am and it would be unfair of me to make noise at any other time. Usually this street is very quiet. Nothing but the birds singing and the sound of the ball hitting the cricket bat.

Relationships 

Why are there so many single people looking for love? Looking on the net, reading magazines we see see people with an almost obsessive determination to partner up.

What characteristics do you look for in another person? Rich and tall? Thin and pretty? A good sense of humour?

I was struck when thinking about this topic how many people out there are in there own. They may go on a date but nothing ever comes of it. It’s like a car that never seems to get out of second gear. Leaving us frustrated with a potential significant other and most importantly ourselves.

Is it really that bad being alone? The word alone has negative connotations is does almost imply that you are lonely. Sometimes I do feel I am on my own but I not that I am missing a significant other but when I am feeling low I automatically think that I am the only one feeling this way.

As we get older sometimes the physical side of relationships seem less important and we focus on companionship. I am not saying it disappears all together but the shine of lustful wanting does seem less attractive. We all know that person who would have been desperate to kiss would never want us and that hurts. I have been there too many times.

So what am I settling for? I tried to give a potential relationship a go a few years back and it wasn’t for me. No one could put up with my bad habits and I think I have lived too long on my own so I am rather stuck in my ways. I do have people who for me are wonderful friends they have given me more love than anyone could imagine. I am grateful and thankful for their friendship every day of my life.

I enjoy music, art, gardening and photography. I love seeing pictures of beautiful people. It stirs within me a passion. Now who’s starting to sound like a dating ad?

Understand

As someone who is openly gay I am linked to others who have a different sexuality other than those who are straight. One of the people that the gay community is linked to is those who are transgendered. It something I really didn’t know about when I was growing up and it’s only in the past few years have a realised what it means for someone who feels this way.

I am happy that someone can feel that they were born in a wrong body and need the opportunity to right that problem. That doesn’t mean I am understanding of what it everything means. This certainly doesn’t give me the right to say that what they are doing is wrong. Caitlyn Jenner hasn’t harmed anyone most likely the pain that she has suffered has come from the years of confusion and doubt over who she truly is.

As usual some of the organised church have been quick to condemn her and society for forcing this on us. If you are offended by the fact that someone is transgender and not by the fact that millions of children die each year due to overwhelming poverty then you need a well-deserved reality check.

I am concerned about those who have suffered domestic violence, bullying, child exploitation, poverty, animal rights and the continuing need to tackle inequality in all areas of society. Not whether you think being transgendered is part of a disordered world.

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Equality

Some people are racist. We know this from looking at the world and society today. As much as I find these totally abhorrent we live in a society where people can have these views. The same goes for any religious or even non-religious belief. I can choose to follow a particular faith or religious value but your belief doesn’t mean that you can choose to actively treat another person as a 2nd class citizen based on their gender, race or sexual orientation.

We have witnessed legal cases brought against people who have tried to deny services to people who are gay. The have based their actions on “deeply held religious beliefs”. While as a society we respect these beliefs that cannot and must not be allowed to treat others with disrespect.

As a country we have come along way since the 1970s where openly on TV we saw racist terms being used and people being ridiculed.

If Ashers bakery had won their case it would leave open to all religions saying that they could deny something or someone because of their religious beliefs. There are laws protecting religions in equality laws just as much as sexuality and gender.

But the bakery isn’t a religious organisation. It isn’t a church or a religious establishment. It’s a business which is run by Christians. The law states that you cannot discriminate against people of their race, gender or sexual orientation.

Ashers bakery claimed that they had no knowledge of the persons sexual orientation. This is bullshit. They discuss within the family that they felt they couldn’t provide a service to someone who is gay. This is against the law.

The cake was never to be seen apart for the four walls of a party at the time who were campaigning for marriage equality in Northern Ireland. It’s not as if the cake was supposed to be seen by millions as a political statement. Because of the legal action obviously it has now been seen around the world.

What some people don’t understand is that just because you don’t believe gay people should have the same rights and privileges of straight people doesn’t make you right by placing your religion card. It doesn’t work that way that’s why we have laws to protect people.

Feel free to move to somewhere like Russia that doesn’t afford equality to those who have a different sexual orientation.

Equality laws are here to say. Get used to it.

Crazy

Some weeks just seem to be naturally crazy more than others. Everything seems to land on your desk at once and everyone either wants something or asking you to do something.

It can go for months and nothing really happens in the news and then all of a sudden we are confronted by a royal baby birth, devastating disasters and tragic stories of people loosing their lives to cancer.

This week for me has been a difficult one. I am confronting the future and contemplating what it might hold yet clinging on to the now and not get swamped under by matters.

I used to work with a woman who would suggest a time management course if we felt that we were under pressure as year leaders. At the time a chair to her face seemed a good option rather than ‘further training’.

It’s how we respond to pressures seems to be a key phrase when experiencing tumultuous pieces of life.

Two homos and a straight

Getting back into reading and now that my attention span has settled. It is amazing what bargains you can find on second hand book websites. I picked up this Kenneth Williams biography for the glorious amount of 1p it was just the postage that cost a few pound.

My obsession with the Carry on films continues and even more so with the life and works of one of its greatest stars. This is the third book I have read on Kenneth Williams and it was good to read about what those who were closest to him remember about his often misunderstood and complex character.

I certainly see familiar traits and peculiarities in his attributes. A comic actor playing to the audience but racked with self-doubt and over-riding depressive tendencies.

I would have loved to met KW and was sad to realise that at the time of his death in 1988 I was living in London and could have unknowingly crossed paths at one time.

I do watch a view “youtubers” some have been good and some have been dreadful. I think being honest and open about your life is an attractive thing. Someone who is living a lie and hiding who they truly are is an ugly trait.

Connor Franta has been open about his life and has released a book about his journey in the twenty two years he has been on this planet. At times he gives his opinion and how he sees life. He challenges the reader to live in the moment and enjoy the things that are around us.

Some could be cynical and say he is cashing in on his status or just releasing a book like everything other Youtuber. I for one am glad that he openness and honesty seems to be genuine and he is allowing himself to be role model for a digital generation that are ever more surrounded by social media pressures.

I picked up the last book that seemed to strike a chord with me at this moment. Someone who had documented and spoke about his depression and anxiety so candidly. It was good that an ordinary bloke had published a book on his perspective of why you should stay alive. The biggest killer of young men isn’t road accidents or cancer it’s suicide.

The book was easy to read and I would certainly recommend it to anyone who has had or is having problems with depression. Everyone is different and it’s about finding the right treatment for yourself. If it medication then that’s good. If it’s yoga and exercise like the author it’s whatever works for you.

The key about treating mental illness is that you do have the power and the right to find what keeps you alive.