Bucket list 3 (Day 1)

My journey again starts at Newcastle airport. Last time the place was packed. Now it’s a different story.

Airports are strange places. Such transient spaces where you glance at people, who are dispersed over the world and you probably will never see again.

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The first time I travelled to Prague was on the stag do plane. You can read about that venture here. This time I plan to fulfill the reason I wanted to go to Prague in the first place. I want to meet a porn star.

(If you are of an erotic disposition please don’t continue. I don’t want to offend those who find ‘adult entertainment’ wrong.)

It’s odd really, that we live in a world where a lot of people have access to a platform that has a huge amount of information and where millions to get their jollies.

Some see porn as a thin end of the wedge; depending if you prefer wedges or hinges. And believe me, there are a lot of each on the net.

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I’ve always wanted to meet a porn star. Can’t imagine what it must be like to have to share something, which is so intimate a thing, to the rest of the world. But what is it you’re actually selling? It’s not a snapshot or even a sometimes a ‘snapchat’ of your relationship or marriage. Unless you decide that’s the sort of thing you want to give away.

It must be a lonely profession. With all that ‘interaction’ and ‘contact’, you think the novelty would wear off pretty quickly unless you are diagnosed nymphomanic with a huge sex drive.

Anyway, I’m on my first flight of the day as I’ve ditched the stag do flight and gone a slower and cheaper route. My first stop is Düsseldorf and I fly with an airline that sounds like a European pantyliner (thanks to Gregory for that joke).

Eurowings (tee-hee) is a German-based airline (at least I think it is) as they asked in German what I would like to drink. I replied with my order but didn’t receive what I asked for. Practice makes perfect Philip.

There is a bit of turbulence and I’m clinging to that armrest again. As I mentioned last time I’m not a confident flyer. At least I am not swearing and praying loudly like my father did once when he was flying back from France with my mother. She told me she was so ashamed of him when they were just about to land. That was a fun journey home.

There’s a baby crying. Its mother starts to nurse him with an aim to subdue. There’s something quite surreal when you’re near to suckled breasts at thirty-five thousand feet. A spoilt teenage girl in the seat in front of who can’t sit still. She was huffing and puffing when told she couldn’t have her bag with her on take off but had to store it in an overhead locker. I can’t understand why people cannot behave for one hour of their entire life.

The complimentary sandwich had bread that had passed a couple of days sell by date and rigor mortis had set in. A steward tried to use a defibrillator on it but for the wheat based snack, the game was up.

I arrive late and tired. I don’t want to go out. The hotel bar is more than enough for me tonight. The waiter is twenty-four and is easy on the eye and somehow we talk about shaving and he inadvertently lets slip that’s he buys razors to shave but not his face. I stumble in embarrassment and sickening delight as he laughs it off. That’s the new generation shrugging off the old. Shave the pubic hair and have done with it.

Bed. On my own.

Never been on a Pride march

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It should be on my bucket list, shouldn’t it? I never have been a march in celebration of my sexuality. In the 80s I joined the church and marched for Jesus. It was an interesting time to walk in celebration of something. But for your sexuality? I mentioned in the previous post about people who wanted a march for straight people.

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The above explains it better than I ever could. Straight people have never fought for human rights regarding their sexuality, to be acknowledged that they aren’t freaks or some medical curiosity. Beaten up or abused because of loving someone of the same sex. I acknowledge that not everyone is going to be happy or overjoyed at same-sex relationships but others don’t have the right to impose on people’s human rights.

I was called names when I was growing up, bullied by other pupils when I was a kid at school. They called me ‘poof’ and ‘bent’ it wasn’t regularly or intense, just by one or two lads you thought it was hilarious. Others probably had no idea, that I was gay, but it did leave a lasting mark. I know I was different and there certainly wasn’t a support network that is provided for young people in schools that there is now.

It seems that some people are deliberately provoking the LGBTI community or have a general lack of understanding and empathy for those us in minorities groups.  I just hope it’s ignorance rather than hate that is fuelling it.

Bucket List 2 (Update)

I checked my Amazon orders, as I thought my wonderful litter icker would be here today, turns out it hasn’t even been dispatched and will be here next Wednesday (31st). Not great when it was a prime order and should have been here next day. So I have put that bucket list item on hold for the moment.

I am sitting here waiting for the forecast thunder/rain we have been forecast. Apart from a small rumble, which could have been my stomach complaining, we haven’t experienced the aforementioned Armageddon. Then I thought to myself I know what I have always wanted to do and that’s storm chasing.

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Doing a little research on it though, it’s incredibly expensive – particularly if you have to fly to different countries to see where tornadoes and mega-storms occur. It is supposed to be a lot time waiting around and you’re not guaranteed to see anything. So it’s a pipe dream really.

Bucket List 2

Apart from traveling to various places across the world, I am thinking about what the next thing is on the bucket list.

Here are some of the bizarre ones I found on net when researching …

Own an island – only for Richard Branson

Buy 2 jetskis – why one isn’t enough I wouldn’t know

Be woken up by a kiss – not recommended if you’re in prison

Build your own lightsaber – probably would end up in prison

Date a model – the only one I would get would be Airfix

The funnier ones –

Go to a pet shop and buy bird seed. As the person at the checkout how long it takes for the birds to grow

Take a stuffed animal to the vet – I would LOVE to do this!

Call someone to tell them you can’t talk right now.

In a lift laugh loudly for 5 mins or when you enter say – ‘I bet you are all wondering why I gathered you here’

The two I am going to do is take underwater pictures and pick up litter. I have never taken a photo underwater before. I know that I can change it with my iPhone but I am sure you are not supposed to dip them in seawater, someone can tell me if I am wrong.

Picking up litter is a great one. I know to you it might sound ultra-dull but I think it’s a great idea.

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So rubbish I am coming for you as I ordered my litter picker!

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Still grumpy

Gari Wellingham

UK-based musical theatre geek previously living with a brain tumour!