I’m coming out

I have decided after many years I hate going on dates. I despise them. Bear with me I have a reason for this and I will explain. 

You don’t have to look very far when people talk about finding love. People immediately talk about speed-dating or meeting up with someone going on a ‘first date’. When I was young the idea of finding a significant other didn’t interest me at all. It was all part of the expectations my parents had and automatically assumed I would follow.

A few years ago I thought it was the right way to go to finding love and I was wrong. The person turned out to be utterly wrong for me. I think it put me off completely. The inability to have a conversation to understand someones sense of humour and the art of actually listening to what the other person is saying rather than getting to have your turn to complain about something not relevant to what is being said.

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Maybe I am being a little harsh or too judgemental – too quick to give up on the idea of finding the right one is this way. It’s not because I am ‘asocial’, far from it. I love the idea of meeting up with someone going for a drink or food, maybe a walk or to the cinema (which is the suckiest of places to go on a date) and spending time with the person you really like.

People all over the world want to find the right person, but they have high expectations, it’s never approached as what can I add to a relationship but what can I find to get out of another person.

I want them to talk in a certain way have a certain sense of humour and have their lives sorted too. I want them to be dressed smartly, have perfect teeth, be tanned and have a six-pack. I want them to be good in bed, to be attentive when I am down, talkative when I am up and have the power of telepathy. I want want want …

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Isn’t it a wonder that a huge percentages of marriages end in divorce. Bad behaviour, inability to communicate, expectations that don’t match reality and wanting different things out of life. How many people walk away from just a friendship alone when things get slightly tough. Relate that to any close relationship and you can understand marriage isn’t for everyone.

So I am coming out as a ‘Non-dater’. I am a person who doesn’t go on dates. Not that I am closed to the idea of a relationship it’s just I would rather get to know someone else in a less formal structured manner. Let’s be friends and see how it goes.

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People should remember the name ‘Jack Renshaw’

This is one hideous character I think you should remember and this post will explain why I think you need to remember the name Jack Renshaw. 

After the New Zealand Mosque there was a concerted effort not to mention the right-wing terrorist by his name thus giving him no power or status in the light of the terrible attack carried out.

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The crimes for which Jack Renshaw has been convicted of were of stirring up racial hatred against Jews calling for the mass genocide of the people. For this crime he had been sentenced to three years in prison. It is alleged that Renshaw had been part of a group, National Action, that had been banned in 2016 as they spread ‘anti-semitic, homophobic and racist’ views.

I remember seeing him on an advert for the BNP in 2014 when they were campaigning votes in elections. I have written before about the dangers of far-right groups and how they have had people trying to justify their vile views on social media and in 2016 said that I was despondent that people still don’t realise how radicalisation of young minds whether it be for ISIS or far-right groups can lead to serious violence.

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You should remember the name Jack Renshaw as he is an example of how hatred can turn into something extremely serious and sinister. Renshaw believed that he would be justified in killing a local MP in the same manner of Jo Cox the MP who was brutally murder by the far-right activist, Thomas Mair in 2016.

Renshaw planned to even be killed by the police if necessary if they surrounded him at the time. All of these threats were real as he had been previously convicted of grooming two teenage boys. His internet history had show he had made searches for gay porn and stated that he wasn’t gay but a heterosexual virgin who didn’t believe in sex before marriage.

Whatever Renshaw’s sexuality we do know that he’s been convicted of grooming children for sex. His warped ideology sent him down an extremely dangerous path and for his confession of planning to kill a MP and the policewoman who had investigated him for these crimes his sentencing will take place in May 2019 at the Old Bailey.

Renshaw is the example of a dangerous mind warped by conspiracy’s and lies. His hatred for certain religious groups is abominable. In my opinion he should be made to go through a de-radicalisation programme just as those who are convicted of carrying out terrorists attacks in the name of ISIS and other hate-filled groups.

How

There are 7.5 billion people in the world. What an amazing fact.

Fact.

I can go to a bookshop and peruse the fiction and non-fiction parts of the shop. Fact or fiction. Stuff that isn’t true and stuff that is made up. A story.

Out of the 7.5 billion people the planet you can be put to death in some countries if you say you don’t believe in god.

In other countries, people will be listening to your conversations at work, in the street, on the internet and letters you write other people. If you are caught out criticising the government you could be arrested sent to jail or worse.

In the UK, we have an open and tolerant society. Majority of the people want it to stay that way and that’s the basis of a democracy. Your politics can be left or right leaning. You can dislike a certain part of society and disagree with how others live their life.

I am not so keen on people who insist on taking your plates away the microsecond you have finished eating and IMMEDIATELY start washing up. I have to live with that struggle. I am having counselling and a rack of medication has helped.

Bleating constantly that your free speech has been compromised because you 1/ scream through peoples letter boxes shouting abuse 2/ turn up to peoples homes who are completely innocent shouting all sorts of claims. This is when your freedom of speech ends. That’s it. No in-betweens or claims of government intervention. Grow up. Start respecting people.

 

Newcastle another Rotherham

When sexuality is distorted,  a deviant streak is created.

I, like others, are appalled at the crimes that have been uncovered in the north east of England. Men who have abused, coerced and forced girls into sex. Plying them with alcohol and illegal drugs to satisfy their needs.

Racists will, with almost certainty, try to capitalise on the situation and likely be planning a march in Newcastle (I wrote this a few days before a march organised by EDL was announced) to air their righteous indignation with a dose of ‘told you so’ about those bloody foreigners . If only life was so simple as their minds. It isn’t clear cut as that and I will attempt to explain why.

Sexuality and human relationships are complex things and where equality and gender is considered. If one sex is seen and superior to another, distortions and conflicts will arise.

In many religions the man is considered superior to the female. Stemming from thousands of years previous that, because the man is physically stronger than the female, she is therefore considered inferior. A woman should stay at home and a man go out to work to provide for the family. But to most in the western world we know that’s bollocks.

We have progressed and gender equality is written into law, although, as recently commented there is still a long way to go when it comes to giving men and women equal pay.

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There are still those who consider women to be there for the man that they should serve the man. You only have to look at tabloid newspapers and hear general conversation where women are considered ‘birds’ and other words which I won’t use here.

If this attitude towards women is ingrained in a culture as it used to be in the UK decades ago planting yourself into another culture where women are seen as vulnerable and open to exploitation this distortion will occur. It’s no secret that the men convicted in other towns and in Newcastle were from a predominately Pakistani heritage. It only becomes racist if you say that all men from this background are into child exploitation.

For me the problem has been the lack of knowledge and education, not of those who perpetrate such crimes but those who have been in power to stop them. Police and Social Services have been too complicit in turning a blind eye to the problem. They haven’t understood the culture and background of the men and dismissed the girls as being wayward and out of control.

What if then these men targeted boys? It would have been dealt with immediately. The imbalance of our attitude towards each sex is highlighted. You would be considered a pervert if you targeted someone who was a male and 13 years old but because they were female well they get what they deserve.

Our attitude should be that both boys and girls of that age are children in the eyes of the law and that where the investigation should start. People have been for a long time unable to say what they feel in fear of offending a part of a community.

I rang into a radio show once to talk about a restaurant that in was trouble with council officials because they wanted to call it ‘The Fat Buddha’. Officials believed this would offend the Buddhist community. It was absolute nonsense. There was a time when the Buddha starved himself and then gorged himself to find ‘Nirvana’ or enlightenment. In some parts of the world the Buddha statue itself is seen as a symbol of prosperity if the person rubs the Buddha’s belly.

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It’s this lack of understanding and knowledge that has caused so many problems. We have place religious understanding and knowledge of communities to one side and allowed officials to make ridiculous statements and decisions without consulting others first.

I understand how and why these men exploited vulnerable women and young girls. Doesn’t mean I don’t condemn these repugnant crimes. Education and understanding isn’t the same as being complicit or condoning such behaviours.

RIP – Jo Cox MP

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These are the headlines as I write on this terrible day. I am upset that she has lost her life doing the thing she wanted to do and help her constituency lead a decent life in West Yorkshire.

As with the shooting in Orlando over the past weekend we have seen claim and counter-claim from various sides of the political debate. People appropriating blame where it certainly does not lie.

I made a simple statement on the Britain First Facebook site and said that if the person who has been detained made the comment ‘Britain First’ numerous times then their organisation would be proscribed as a terrorist organisation. After about fifteen minutes I expected that it would be deleted as they don’t like people criticising their vile beliefs. I was right and getting just over a hundred likes the comment disappeared.

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Britain First openly claimed that they will use “direct action” against Sadiq Khan to target where he “lives, works and prays”. The underlining racism that BF has and their hatred for Muslims and people who are seen to be colluding with them make them a dangerous organisation. I would rather have a Muslim living next-door to me than a member of Britain First. That is the level of distrust I have for this despicable organisation.

In all instances of any crime such as this, there has to be a full investigation and especially when there has been a murder it could take months. It is only a speculation at the moment that the alleged attacker has a disturbing motive for the crime but once it has been established the correct proscribing should take place.

Like others, I will continue to say that hate, division, and racist beliefs have no place in the UK or any civilised society. My thoughts are with Jo Cox and her family at this terrible time.

Feminist views 

I have a problem with some feminist views. I have been struggling with them for some time and wondering why I have a problem with moral issues associated with feminist belief.

The term “Rape culture” was first used in the USA in the 1970s by feminists who believed a society which normalised rape as a part of the society and sees it as pervasive due to certain values it held about women’s sexual identity and gender.

So what feminists are saying that somehow society doesn’t see it as being a bad thing or even a punishable crime in a society. They believe that making excuses of what a woman was wearing beforehand is part of this “rape culture”. It is prevalent and symptomatic throughout attitudes in the society and endemic to it.

I had some discussion with a female friend and thinking about high profile cases where men had been convicted of rape or had been acquitted. I found it interesting that some on social media platforms held the view that the man was guilty even if he had not be convicted in a court of law. That the woman must be believed and the circumstances of the case were that the jury must have been made to believe that the woman was making the whole thing up something again feminists believe is part of ‘rape culture’ that society sees women as unreliable liars.

Feminists believe in ‘rape society’ is that society is teaching women not to get raped rather than teaching men not to rape. This to me is where I find the stumbling block. Not that any sort of attack on a woman is abhorrent but that despite the calls of feminists to teach people not to rape there are ways that women should protect themselves but again I reiterate that feminist would say is part of rape culture and I am contributing to it by making sure a woman is keeping herself from harm.

I had to look further into this and see how ‘rape culture’ is viewed under various classifications of morality. The feminist view is an example of moral absolutism. The idea there shouldn’t be any way in which someone who has said that they have even raped could have contributed to it. Rape is if someone hasn’t given their consent. To me there are cases where the victim isn’t able to give consent such as age but what do we decide if a woman is so drunk she has sex but afterward saying that she wouldn’t have consented at the time.

Feminists argue that there shouldn’t be grey areas and that it is clear that all sex that hasn’t been consensual is rape. Is it really this clear-cut? We don’t hear of ‘murder culture’ or ‘robbery culture’ we look at the evidence to see if a crime has been committed and that is how the law and the courts deal with each case individually. As much as feminism would like to see perpetrators of rape be punished as they should it isn’t as clear as that. Sex is still sex and if you consent to it then it isn’t a crime. But how do you prove a crime has taken place when the evidence before a jury is that it is the word against another. There are no physical signs of trauma or force but the woman states she did not give consent.

A murder takes place and usually in most cases there is a body. Some cases have been prosecuted when there has been nobody found but this is rare. We have physical evidence in front of a jury if an autopsy has taken place and cause of death can be established. It is up to the prosecution to build the case for murder or if the death was unintentional manslaughter or culpable homicide as it is known in the USA.

A crime has a victim, a perpetrator, and evidence. Some will go to lengths to cover their crime and destroy evidence. A report of the crime of non-consensual sex or rape needs to have more evidence than saying I did not consent. If life wasn’t as clear-cut as this and crimes didn’t have to be proved beyond a reasonable doubt then things would be different. That isn’t how things work in the UK. There are some societies where rape has been normalised in countries that are in the middle of civil war and rape has been used as a weapon and as a form of terrorist barbarism.

We know are those men who go out on a weekend with the intention of having sex with women. It happens. Men do that and so do women. On the gay scene, it’s no different. Men and women do go out on the pretence of a hookup.

I don’t believe a woman or a man should ever have to modify their clothes to justify not being attacked but both sexes do dress to feel and look good. We have all go out in the best clothes but it’s never so we feel good we do it so we get others to notice this is what makeup is for.

If you were on a desert island you don’t get dressed up just for yourself intention is their attraction is a part of life and the natural process of humans and animals. There are ways in which everyone should protect themselves that’s why doors have locks and cars have immobilisers. We don’t live in a society of absolute morals.

Ched Evans (update)

Ched Evans won his right to a retrial. He said that there would be no celebrations as there are no winners in this situation. Quite rightly maintaining a dignity in his way when looking to clear his name.

Social media is full of the bile from both sides of the fence. Harden feminists are ready to act out a retribution similar to a horror film as is those who are supporting him.

The wheels of justice have to turn again and regardless of whether you thinking that Ched Evans is guilty or innocent all evidence has to be heard in a trial. New information that wasn’t presented to the court has now appeared setting in motion a retrial. I hope soon that things will be sorted and life continues as it should.