It’s been two weeks since mum passed away. To be honest I don’t know if I will meet myself coming back from something or pass myself in the street. It all seems crazy. I have been told to slow down and take time. You know the usual rubbish people tell you and then you ignore and then after the time when things seem to settle you seem to crash and burn.
I always said the worst bit about losing someone or when you are grieving is the two or three weeks after the dust has settled. Everyone has gone back to the respective homes and then you realise what has happened. That’s the time when the grieving process usually starts. People have stopped calling or texting to see how you are. They get on with their own lives and you are expected to get on with yours.
I have been having meetings, making phone calls and texting people. Thank goodness the tariff I am in I have an unlimited amount of minutes or my phone bill would have doubled this month.
At the moment I have survived on cups of tea from my relatives and friends and believe me it’s been good tea.
I still have more meetings and more things to do before the funeral. Things to plan. But the main things are in place. I just have to get through the day and then start to think about Christmas. If was honest I would probably stay in bed the whole of Christmas day.
How am I feeling? A mixture of exhaustion. Nervous energy. Anxiety. Mania. Desperation. I sleep when my body says I should not when I want to. I have a mixture of going to sleep within five minutes or still awake until 6am and then have few of hours of sleep.
I am waiting for this week to be over and appreciate anyone who attends the funeral.